We are going to Adopt....

So, I know it has been a long time since I have last posted in my blog. I have had so much going on in my life; Weddings, birthdays, my husband's back surgery, Christmas, new years, the death of someone so dear to me, the birth of my new nephew Emerson Frank Read Egan and James telling me he is ready to adopt...

After our last failed attempt of fertility treatments, the Dr. told  me that once I hit 32 (which is this year) that my chances are about less than 1% to conceive. So, we took a break...We  had to 'heal' from the multiple failed attempts and two miscarriages. I have always known that I wanted a baby and that I would want to adopt a child. It has been  a lot harder for James to get on board.  I am sure it is difficult for a lot of people once  they realize that having your own biological child is out of the question. 

Even though I wanted to jump right into the next step, which for me was adoption, I knew we needed some time off from 'baby talk'. James was "over" the whole fertility thing. To be honest, emotionally I needed a break from it all as well. Finding out that my sister was pregnant (around the same time we found out that I was NOT pregnant on my last attempt of fertility treatment, which cost us a  lot of money) really did put me in a downward spiral of jealousy, self-pity and utter sadness. These feelings ultimately started to  consume me. I knew that my jealousy of any mother,  pregnant woman,  and hatred for anyone who was "young" and pregnant or has a child, was controlling my life. I hated that I felt that way, but I could not control these negative feelings. It was utterly consuming all my emotions. So after  months of learning to cope with  not having a child and deal with the emotions,  I think I have now come to a place where I can move on.

At the beginning of the year I also took a good look at my life. I realized that I should close my daycare. I love all the children I watched but knew that running a daycare when I could not have kids was like a slap in the face. I knew I needed to get out of the house and deal with adults. I also determined that I had to  de-clutter my home of toys and constant reminders that I do not have any children of my own. For the sake of sanity, I closed my daycare in January and got a job doing taxes. It is a seasonal job so I am still looking for more permanent employment. My current job will end around April 15th. It is unimaginable how much happier I am now that I have a job outside the house. I have sold most of my kids stuff and both rooms that used to be playrooms are now guest rooms...for now.

I honestly, slowly started to except that fact that it will be James and I for the rest of our lives (with our dogs, Duke and June Bug of course). Then, when James and I went out for dinner for Valentine's Day, he told me that he is ready to adopt. He knows that it does not matter how we have a child, but we should have one. We will be wonderful parents.. This was the greatest gift...ever ( and that was not even the "gift").

So now we are in the overwhelming stage of figuring out where to start. We are looking into three different possibilities. 

1. We are looking into surrogacy as an option. I so wish I 'knew' someone who would be our surrogate instead of finding a stranger do it. However, it is really expensive to use a surrogate agency.

2. We are looking into adoption from an agency.

3. Fostering a baby in hopes that we can adopt. After all there are many babies going into foster care that need families to adopt them. 

Money, sadly,  will be an issue for any of these.

If any of you  know someone wanting to put a baby up for adoption please let me know. If you know of, or  have used an adoption agency or  surrogate agency, I would love to hear about it. 

I have requested information from about 7 adoption agencies and we are waiting for their packets. We should have all the info from the promising agencies within a month so we can choose and send in our application and start the home study process. Of course it would be awesome if we lucked out and came across someone who wanted to give their baby up for adoption. We would only have to pay the cost of legal fees. We are not, however, waiting around for that... I am now in the process of not only looking at adoption agency's but also having our home study done which is a crucial part of the adoption process..

Tomorrow I am going to call  the State and make an appointment for James and I to talk to someone about fostering/adopting. I am very excited that James and I are in this together. We are both excited about knowing our dream of having a family (even though it is not the old fashioned way) is going to come true.

So here we go... the next chapter in our lives. 

I would like to thank you all in advance for your love and support as we start the adoption process and get closer and closer to our dream of a family. If anyone has any advice, connections, or words of wisdom, please share...