Giving it another try

So after a long, expensive and emotional year last year, we are now ready to give the treatments another try. I have been emotionally ready and would have loved to just keep trying again every month, our issue was the money! After getting our tax return and moving into our new house we are ready to drop another $5,000.00 to try again. I called Dr. Bachus ( my reproduction endocrinologist ) and made my first appointment, which has to be a treatment plan appointment since it has been a year since I was their patient.. It is March 29th at 2:30.. and if he says we can continue where we left off last year and if everything goes as planned my next cycle should start on or around April 22. That would mean I would be in Colorado from April 25-May 5. I have to be monitored everyday on the drugs they put me on. That part sucks.. It would not be so bad if any Dr. in WY would do these treatments since the appointment is every morning for 30 min.

 I am not going to lie.. I am excited and nervous we had sucess with injectable meds and iui's I did get pregnant but miscarried. Everything I have read on repeat miscarriages is for each one you have the chances of having another just go up.. Scary... The Dr.'s have already done the complete work up to see if they could find a reason I was losing the babies and everything they tested for came back normal..

Every month, for me, is a day filled with sadness when I pee on that stick and only see one line.. I do not share my monthly breakdowns with James.. I used to but then he would get upset that I was and so I have learned to just write it all down.. Some day I might start adding some of the old stuff I have written. The miscarriages though were not only devastating for me but for James as well..

This month was really hard for me.. Last month I charted (as always) and did the ovulation test strips and took chlomid and I actually ovulated we made sure to cover our bases and had sex for 14 days in a row before, during and after ovulation..I thought for sure this was the month.. After all, so far 2011 has been great for James and I... but yeaterday when my lovely monthly reminderthat I am not pregnant showed up it was hard.. I then realized yet another year is out of the question.. There is no way I can HAVE a baby in 2011... My cycles are so long I have lost the window to have a 2011 baby :(... That was the hardest part.. I mean I have had hope for a 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 & 2011 baby only to be crushed each year.. So I guess here is to a 2012 baby!