So today was our consult appointment in Colorado with Dr. Bachus at the Rocky Mountain Center for Reproduction Medicine. http://www.drbachus.com/
When we got there they made us fill out a bunch more paperwork since it has been a year since we have been current patients. We discussed whether we should continue with Follistim (injectable meds) and back to back IUI's or if we should do IVF... It is obviously our decision but what it comes down to is this.. IVF is more than double the cost.. and will only increase our chances of success about 10% more than doing Follistim.
Our big worry is my miscarriages because once you have 2 your chances of having another are greater and once you have 3 it is even a greater chance for a 4th. After my last miscarriage they had called in a miscarriage blood work up to test for things like Lupus and other disorders.. All of that came back normal.. He wanted to run a few more tests just to have all bases covered. Today he tested for blood clotting and thinning disorders. They drew 11 vials today.
He also did a lovely vaginal ultrasound to see if my egg supply was dwindling because if he saw that they were he would suggest that we move on to IVF.. Good news! I still have tons of eggs so our decision is to move forward with follistim injections and IUI's.. Since I am only on day 14 of my cycle he said he would prescribe me Provera ( a medicine that will make me get my period) he figured why wait until my next cycle when he did the base-line ultrasound today..
So tomorrow I will start Provera and within the next 7-10 days I should start my cycle and on day 2 I will start giving myself follistim shots, daily.. He will need to see me on cycle day 8 ( which is GREAT NEWS! Every-other time I have done this he has needed me on day 4. This will save me a bunch of money).
So most likely around the 15th of April we will be doing insemination's :D
Now the hard part: telling all of the parents of the kiddos I watch that I will be gone. I have already given them a heads up that we are "trying" again but I still feel horrible that I cannot give them extra advance notice since no one knows when my cycle will start... I have been stressing about it since I know one of the kiddos does not have family here and it will be hard for them to find a back-up. I need to not stress over it. After all, if I had an office job I would have at least a weeks' vacation and I know running your own business you usually do not get that but, why not?
So that is what today was all about. I will keep you posted on when my cycle starts and my injections begin.
So tonight is the last night we will be eating and drinking what we want. Starting tomorrow James and I will be going back on Phase 1 of the Ideal Protein diet... We started this diet on July 4th of last year and by October I had lost 45lbs and James lost 75lbs.. we then were at our goal weights and went off of the diet. We went to Vegas in November then there was Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years and the stress and craziness of moving and during that time James and I have gained back about 10lbs.. which is not good.. We figured since we have made our next fertility appointment we might as well go back on the diet to lose that pesky 10lbs and maybe more.. I am looking forward to losing the lbs but not looking forward to how hungry I will be during the first week.
I am however, very excited about our appointment and being able to "try" the high tech way of getting preggo again.. I will keep you posted after the appointment on Tuesday.
So I called the Dr. to make sure they still had our (well, James) sperm on ice because if they didn't we would need to do another sample and I wanted to schedule it for the 29th.. With James traveling so much we most likely will have to use his 2009 sample for the IUI.. Hope not, I mean a fresh is always better than frozen. They informed me that yes they still have our sample frozen and we can discuss if they want a newer sample at our appointment... I told James he should pack his own porno just in-case (from past experiences in the Dr. office James knows they do not offer very much..)
So after a long, expensive and emotional year last year, we are now ready to give the treatments another try. I have been emotionally ready and would have loved to just keep trying again every month, our issue was the money! After getting our tax return and moving into our new house we are ready to drop another $5,000.00 to try again. I called Dr. Bachus ( my reproduction endocrinologist ) and made my first appointment, which has to be a treatment plan appointment since it has been a year since I was their patient.. It is March 29th at 2:30.. and if he says we can continue where we left off last year and if everything goes as planned my next cycle should start on or around April 22. That would mean I would be in Colorado from April 25-May 5. I have to be monitored everyday on the drugs they put me on. That part sucks.. It would not be so bad if any Dr. in WY would do these treatments since the appointment is every morning for 30 min.
I am not going to lie.. I am excited and nervous we had sucess with injectable meds and iui's I did get pregnant but miscarried. Everything I have read on repeat miscarriages is for each one you have the chances of having another just go up.. Scary... The Dr.'s have already done the complete work up to see if they could find a reason I was losing the babies and everything they tested for came back normal..
Every month, for me, is a day filled with sadness when I pee on that stick and only see one line.. I do not share my monthly breakdowns with James.. I used to but then he would get upset that I was and so I have learned to just write it all down.. Some day I might start adding some of the old stuff I have written. The miscarriages though were not only devastating for me but for James as well..
This month was really hard for me.. Last month I charted (as always) and did the ovulation test strips and took chlomid and I actually ovulated we made sure to cover our bases and had sex for 14 days in a row before, during and after ovulation..I thought for sure this was the month.. After all, so far 2011 has been great for James and I... but yeaterday when my lovely monthly reminderthat I am not pregnant showed up it was hard.. I then realized yet another year is out of the question.. There is no way I can HAVE a baby in 2011... My cycles are so long I have lost the window to have a 2011 baby :(... That was the hardest part.. I mean I have had hope for a 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010 & 2011 baby only to be crushed each year.. So I guess here is to a 2012 baby!
1) You need to relax!
Of course, I was experiencing anxiety over this, but telling me that I need to relax sounds like you're blaming me. Infertility is a kind of illness, a malfunction of one of the body's systems, so please treat it that way. You wouldn't tell a cancer patient that she'll get well if she will "relax", would you?
(2) You should just adopt!
Adoption? Why, I've never heard of that! You say you can pay thousands and thousands of dollars, have every aspect of your life scrutinized, get put on a potentially years-long waiting list, and then possibly have the biological parent change her mind? Sign me up!
Seriously, though, this one really irks me. After two miscarriages and several years of infertility testing and treatment, we were tapped out physically, financially and emotionally.
It's not just some kind of checklist you go through
Try naturally: Check.
Go through testing: Check.
Clomid and timed intercourse: Check.
Injectables and IUI: Check.
IVF: Check.
Adoption: Check.
and only when you complete the checklist are you allowed to grieve your inability to have a child. No matter where you stop, you're still allowed to grieve.
The fact that we have not adopted yet doesn't mean that we really don't want children bad enough. We decided to start a family for the same reasons most people do - we wanted to create a being that was a part of us. Is it selfish? Of course it is. So what? Most people don't have to think twice about it, though.
(3) You want kids? Please, take mine!
Oh, I get it. Raising kids is hard! Thanks, but I think I already knew this. And besides, I don't want your kids. They're funny looking and rude (I'm kidding - your children are adorable). Also, you don't really mean this. You're just trying to be cute, and you're not succeeding.
(4) Everything happens for a reason.
Like, maybe, my potential child was going to be the next Hitler or Manson? Something like that? and when people add in "it was not in God's plan" really pisses me off.. all I have to say to that is was it in God's plan to have children born to crack whores? born to be molested and abused? and the list goes on... this is NOT in God's plan..
I don't actually know the reason for my miscarriages. It's simple: there is no reason for these things.
Would you ever tell a parent with a severely deformed child that there was a reason for it?
Sometimes bad stuff just happens, and that's that. At least that's the way I look at things. Please respect that.
(5) Oh, you're still young. It'll happen.
I'm not that young and how do you know it'll happen?
You are not see the future. Don't give me false hope based on nothing more than your need to be "supportive".
(6) Someone I know adopted a baby, and then one year later, boom, she was pregnant!
Well that's certainly a good reason to adopt, isn't it? I'm also pretty sure this doesn't always work.
(7) Have you tried acupuncture - meditation - standing on your head after sex, etc.?
Certainly not all at the same time! But, yes, believe me, we explored just about every avenue, be it based on medical science or on an old wives tale. Don't you think that we have tried everything we could?
(8) I wish I had that problem all I have to do is think about being pregnant and bam!
So you're...what? Super fertile? There are things you can take for that, you know. It is called BIRTH CONTROL. Now please go away and stop rubbing it in my face.
(9) Just think of all the things you can do without kids... you are lucky you do not have to find a babysitter.
yes all we have thought about that and have even gone on mini vacation only to look at families enjoying their vacation and still long for what we cannot have.. a family..
(10) Just get drunk and have sex...
Yes, because all you need is a bit of alcohol to get pregnant.. who know that was the missing ingredient! Don't you think if timed intercourse and IUI's did not work then I am sure alcohol will not work either..
(11) When you stop trying it will happen!
Really? because I believe you actually need to have sex (or IUI or IVF) to get pregnant so if you stopped trying that would mean you would not be having sex and if you were it would be protected... so to NOT TRY will sure not get you pregnant!
In situations like this, here's a good rule of thumb: Not every opinion that is in your head needs to be voiced.
I know that people want to help, they want to be encouraging, and they want to say something. I truly appreciate all of the people who listened, who cared, who prayed, and who felt some empathy with us. I don't believe that any of the inappropriate things people may have said were said with out of spite. The same principles can be applied to any other situation where someone is suffering and you want to say something. Best thing to do is acknowledge the pain, offer your support, and express your hope that things will get better.
If someone shares their infertility issues with you, I think the best thing to say is something like this, "I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's difficult, and I hope things work out for you. Let me know if there's anything I can do."
